Tuesday, June 19, 2007

On the Lot

I'm going to crosspost my opinion pieces regarding On The Lot to my blog here, in case one day I actually get some traffice. I'm going be posting here more frequently, because I'd really like to continue to hone my skills as a reviewer.

So here is the very very long review of the first film premiere episode. It's extremly long because there were 13 films to be reviewed.

Okay, I'm so glad I haven't ever watched American Idol, because if it's in this format egads, this is just extra bs every thirty seconds.

Could Gary Marshall NOT talk about Women Filmmakers for about thirty seconds?

Also, bodily functions do not automatically equal comedy. Kthnx.

I agree with The Soup that Carrie Fisher needs to learn how to be a little more rude and open about not liking things.

THERE ARE WOMEN IN THE FILM INDUSTRY ALREADY STOP ACTING LIKE THERE AREN'T. Okay, so it's not 51% women directors. Fine. But it doesn't need to be for us to step back and recognize that there are a lot of really fantastic female directors in the world, and the more we act like there aren't the more disservice we're doing to people like Penny Marshall, Nora Ephron, and the women who don't just do romantic comedies but my brain can't supply their names right now. Recognizing that we have further to go is fine, but don't forget what we have. What also bothers me: women are PEOPLE, men are PEOPLE. I am not something specific because I'm a woman, I don't have a very certain point of view because I'm female. I have a point of view because I'm ME.

You can watch the movies at their website and you can actually watch the ep there now.

Dance Man

I thought this was really cute, and he got the actor to be fun and uninhibited. He also had almost no dialogue except a voiceover, which he used to his advantage by making it a framing technique and using it throughout. There sadly wasn't much to distinguish it though, but the idea was pretty unique so yay. He's one of my favorites.

Deliver Me

Honestly, I'm not surprised she was voted off. This was nothing all that new or memorable (haven't they already done the business-mogul mom a million times?) and because I think everybody understands that the drugs they give you don't really make you have fantasies about asian women doing your nails. It was just there, when it needed to be more.

Spaced Out

, do not watch this short, since it features vomiting space aliens. And that is the tie it all up tagline of this film: barfing space aliens. The aliens themselves were amusing, and I don't know where else he could have gone with it. But he had this great set up, drunken alien muppets...and went for projectile vomit. I couldn't actually watch it to see if the cinematography was good, I was too disgusted.

Wack Alley Cab

He had to explain his premise and it had things in his explenation that had nothing to represent them in the film. This is a fail. I can't even get into how much I disliked it and wished he had been eliminated. He's way too self-important. I've said more about how I feel about the odd color changes he did, and I hope he ditches that idea.

Bus #1

Srsly, urine. This is a short film about urine. I know everybody has to pee sometimes and that being on a long bus ride is difficult. But it had no real payoff and it just...okay, so she peed in a cup. What's funny?

The Big Bad Heist
"Ya'll didn't say nothing about no ninjas..."
I'm also with Gary Marshall: At least there was no barfing or peeing. I actually really loved this, and since I have made a movie that was a trailer for a movie that never existed, I can recognize that a trailer is in fact it's own work of art. So I disagree with the idea that it was a good preview but not a good short film. In fact, I think it wouldn't work as a feature film, it might, but it would be too close to too many other wacky capers.

And there were ninjas, I mean, come on. Good stuff.

Also, for the record: Kenny also made a trailer. Did anybody get onto him for that? No. Get over it. KENNY MADE A TRAILER TOO AND SAID THAT HIMSELF.

Lucky Penny

I think that I can understand the judges thinking this was a lovely short silent film. But at the same time, it's kinda been done. But as somebody that picks up lucky pennies a lot, I also thought it was amusing. I think the effects were good, but not phenomenal, and I do think he got a great performance out of his actor. What was with so many people getting hit by busses?

...To Screw In A Lightbulb

To be honest, I'm with the judges, I didn't get it. It wasn't really funny, and this is the problem I have with "film school" people. They tend to be more concept than execution that will be fun for the average audience. As I've said before, filmmaking isn't for YOU. It's for the AUDIENCE and if the audience doesn't get it, then go back to the drawing board.

All that said, it also wasn't technically that well made, it didn't evoke the crowded room in an artistic way, it was just crowded. Also, while she didn't use any direct film quotes, it seemed a lot like one of those movies that relies on people loving other movies for it's own laugh track. This works very rarely, and usually it has to be a spoof that brings something new to the table, or exaggerates. This movie doesn't do much with anything, and like I said, technically was just not amazing.


I think this was a cute, funny movie that worked on a lot of levels. But I also wonder how much it brought to the table that was new and different. I think he's going to have to work really hard not to just be Spike Lee lite, to be honest. It was well made, and I don't neccesarily agree with the judges, I think the fact that everybody was "soft" made it funnier because who are they to call him soft, when they don't look that bad themselves. It really reminded me of the way kids really are.

Blind Date

I completly disliked this film, and again I'm not surprised it got her voted out. It was going okay, keeping up a fast pace and being interesting enough. Then she staggered to the bathroom, became a completly uninteresting character, and it all devolved into something dumb. The actress' performance also instantly went over the top, and her last reaction shot was terrible. Plus, I don't think anybody addressed the fact that I couldn't tell who was farting, and that's just ridiculous.

Getta Room
I'm seriously the only person that thought the main character was not nerdy or mentally retarded, but a recent immigrant? I dunno, it seemed that way to me, which still might be offensive. I also didn't think anything the guy was should be considered offensive. Honestly, if he was a nerd, doesn't that mean _I_ should be offended? I'm a nerd. I think that Jason could have been a little more tactful in saying that wasn't his intention.

It was an interesting film, but not the best or worst of the night. Just kinda good really. I want to see more. Going to his website, he's got the talent.

File Size

Okay, so while this smacked a lot of Office Space, it was still amusing and srsly, it's like my life in some ways. So I could recognize this idea and get behind it, and I think technically it was well done too. But it was sort of more of the same, lots of things do office comedy and there's not much more you can do with it.

Danger Zone

I've heard a lot of people talk about Children of Men. Filmmakers say that it's phenomenal because of the long shots and blah blah. Most actual people I know that have seen it think it was boring and kinda bad. Therefore we must conclude that single shots = genius.

This actually was a really cute movie, and I really liked it. I don't know if I think it was the best of the night as a storytelling idea, but I think technically it was almost completly there. But this is my primary issue: doing a great technical shot is fantastic but it doesn't automatically make it better or best. This is hard for me to figure out how to say, because I did like the movie, but it brings up a bigger issue. It's just, well, quite frankly special effects don't make the movie. The movie should be good first.

A Golf Story

I think the performances, since they had very little dialogue, were top notch. Your two main characters had no lines, literally, and yet you knew exactly what they were thinking. That was fantastic, and while I agree it didn't look like mini-golf, I could get over that. It was a good, short film. It almost reminded me of a commercial, I think it would make a great commercial.

Love in Year 2007

I liked the actress in this film actually, and I absolutly loved "Outsourced singers" in the opening. But that was about the only new, interesting thing it had going for it really.

One note: Mr. Marshall sir, falling in love is not a "women's problem." I should HOPE that everyone in the U.S. is pretty much trying to fall in love. Pretending men don't think about these things is kinda dumb.

Please Hold...
"You had the word Burgled which is one of the few funny words without the letter K in it..."
-Gary Marshall

I absolutly think that Kenny's should have been elminated over this one, because this one was at least technically well done, and while it is an old joke and had some contiunity problems (they tell her to press 19 for being burgled, and she presses one number). But overall, it was well made, which was more than Kenny could say. I think the problem is that he just...didn't have a personality at all, and nobody really identified with HIM, who cared about his work?

Check Out

I actually didn't like this one, despite everybody else loving it. It was well made technically, but the idea of it was so over the top that I didn't buy it for a second and was waiting for the over-the-top punchline. It was, of course, the "it's only a fantasy" deal, and I saw that coming. So I wasn't impressed, really. But I think she might be a good one to watch.

Replication Theory

Again, agreeing with the judges. This is the ONLY fart joke I found funny because it was just a little above, maybe because it actually recnogized that everybody HATES that noise.

I thought it was inventive, and people haven't really addressed the fact that you try to blame those noises on something else every time. So there you go, nice story, cute idea, and I love how he has to go through three things before he's tackled. It was well made, it was cute, and it had a great final shot.

And I also agree that the judges are in concert too often. When are they going to disagree? This might be a Hollywood problem. You don't want to insult Gary Marshall if you can help it, and saying "Well, Gary, I think you're wrong, it was terrible!" isn't the best idea.

I also don't think we should judge filmmakers by people who have gone before by saying "Will he be the next Ridley Scott?" "She's the next Mimi Leder!" or anything like that.

I'm so tired of hearing about women directors...guh